Parenthood Decision: Why Children Aren’t Relationship Band-Aids

It’s a tale as old as time: a couple, fraught with marital issues, decide to add a tiny human into the mix, believing this will magically mend their fractured relationship. This theory, which seems to have been plucked from some fairy tale, posits that a baby will serve as the ‘marital glue’ that binds them back together. It’s fascinating, isn’t it, how some people perceive a crying bundle of needs as a perfect solution to their adult-sized problems?

This trend isn’t limited to couples already contemplating parenthood. Even childfree couples, individuals who embrace the child-free lifestyle, or those labeled as DINKs (Double Income, No Kids), in moments of discord, often encounter this unsolicited advice: ‘Just have a baby, that will sort things out.’ It seems the age-old wisdom of working on a relationship, fostering understanding and patience, has been replaced with the notion of babies as magical, problem-solving miracle workers.

There’s something incredibly ironic about the notion that the same people who can’t communicate effectively with each other can suddenly manage to co-parent a human being. But hey, miracles happen, right? Except that, in most cases, they don’t. In fact, most studies reveal a decrease in marital satisfaction following the birth of a child. This decline often results from factors like lack of sleep, financial stress, and disagreements over parenting styles.

And let’s not forget the immense pressure that’s placed on this new life – an unwitting participant who’s thrown into the middle of an emotional battlefield. After all, nothing says “welcome to the world, little one” like the crushing weight of your parents’ expectations to salvage their marriage. You’d be hard-pressed to find a more glaring example of unfairness.

It’s worth pointing out the shocking contrast between the societal judgment on those who choose not to have children and those who choose to have children for all the wrong reasons. Those who decide to embrace a life of voluntary childlessness, often face a barrage of criticism, with accusations of selfishness topping the list. How dare you prioritize your own happiness, ambitions, or financial stability over potential offspring, right?

Yet, ironically, only a few raise an eyebrow when a couple decides to bring a child into a volatile, chaotic environment with the hope that their new family member will miraculously double as a relationship counselor. If we’re discussing selfishness, let’s talk about using a new, vulnerable life as a tool to solve grown-up problems. Which is really the more self-centered decision here?

The truth is, having a child is an enormous responsibility, not a last-ditch effort to be employed in the final stages of a faltering relationship. If a marriage is floundering, the mature and responsible course of action is to seek counseling or consider separation. Not only is it healthier for the couple, but it also spares a potential child from becoming a casualty of their parents’ issues. A child should never be conceived as a last-ditch effort to save a failing marriage; that’s like using a baby wipe to clean up a flood.

Instead of burdening an unborn child with the weight of their relationship woes, couples should invest that time and energy into working on their problems. It’s unfair, unrealistic, and frankly, irresponsible to expect a baby to do what two grown adults have been unable to accomplish.

In the end, the path to a healthy relationship isn’t paved with diapers and baby monitors. It’s built on mutual respect, communication, understanding, and the willingness to work through difficulties together.So, before making the critical decision of parenthood, couples need to pause. They should ask themselves if their reasons are truly right and valid. Because at the end of the day, children aren’t band-aids for broken relationships.